The harder I work, the less I gossip, the more I smile, the less I smoke, the more I focus, the less I am impatient ... the happier I feel.

Practical experience.

I bought more insurance today.

I already am fairly heavily insured. But I took a housing loan a few months ago, and it always bothered me that my wife would have a problem repaying it if, god forbid, my maker recalls me.

1. The other day, I made a list of my all-time favourite Hindi Film songs. This is what it looked like.
- Dum Maaro Dum (Hare Rama Hare Krishna)
- Chura Liya Hai Tumne (Yaadon ki Baraat)
- Jaane Jaaa (Jawani Diwani)
- Mehbooba (Sholay)
- Piya tu ab to aaja (Caravan)
- Ek Ladki ko dekha (1942 A Love Story)
- Chand mera dil (Hum kisise kam nahin)
And then it hit me .... all of them, without exception ... R D Burman numbers .... well done, Panchamda

2. I drop my son at the bus stop every morning ... some ten - fifteen kids hanging around waiting for their buses .... and I counted yesterday .... seven of them were bespectacled .... 50% .... television / cartoon network / murdoch murdabad

3. For those of you who have not been to a Book Cafe ..., recently opened by the Cafe Coffee Day people .... think of a combination of Crossword and Barista ... open seven days a week 1000 to 2300 .... good chill out zone for stressed out execs .... strongly recommended.

4. Date Pancakes ..... yummmm

5. My son told my father yesterday .... earlier Papa used to play with me, now he does not have the time .... I am screwing up on this one, and need to fix things NOW

One of the most unpleasant tasks that a manager ever has to perform - letting people go. Asking them to resign. Telling them the company has no further need for their services.

There are only two reasons a company (at least in the Indian context) lets people go - financial philandering and incompetence.

It is far easier to handle cases involving the former. Sacking a person who has his (and in my experience, its always been a him) hand in the till has been a relatively painless task.

However, sacking a person on grounds of performance is never easy. After all, you are playing with a person's career. I've dreaded every such encounter from the bottom of my heart, and regardless of how many you handle, it never, ever gets easier.

Moreover, there's always the nagging doubt and fear in your mind - how much of it is the other person's fault, and how much is yours ? After all, if that person reported to you, it is as much your responsibility to get the best out of him / her, as it is for that person to deliver the goods. Ergo, that he / she did not perform is as much your fault as his / hers.

I've had some interesting experiences in these exit interviews. If the circumstances were not tragic, I am sure some people would find these quite amusing .....

- One person I had to let go burst into tears when I told him. Not an uncommon experience. What made this particularly disconcerting - this person was about 6'4", a chest like a barrel, build like an ox, and had a guttural voice that started at the base of his stomach .... nothing had prepared me for having this Rambo suddenly bawl like a baby

- One lady who I requested to resign was, I thought, a demure, quiet, docile person .... she started yelling when I told her the news .... and abused me and the company in language that would have made a sailor blush ... let's just say that female relatives figured prominently in her diatribe .... that we still are cordial when we meet nowadays is testimony to her ability to forget and my ability to forgive (or should that be vice versa ?)

- Another person, an extremely attractive but supremely incompetent lady, was ice-cool when I told her. Her only question was - She had no idea why, but she had a massive crush on me, and could I please lessen her pain by having an affair with her ? - and believe it or not, that's a quote-unquote - I did not know what to do or where to look .... well, nowadays, she is the mistress of the CEO of an American MNC, and, although it's been some years, still sends me a suggestive card on my birthday and very dirty SMSes every once in a while :-)

- Then there was this guy, a distant relative of a smalltime Bihari politician, who took out a chotta Rampuri knife and threatened that he would do unmentionable things to me and various parts of my anatomy .... thankfully, he seems to have changed his mind in the interim - he makes it a point to drop in and say hello when in Delhi - and I was the second person he called from the hospital when his first child was born (the first were his parents)

Fortunately, I now work in a company that believes in the fundamental goodness of people and  does not, at least upto now, have an exit policy for non-performers.

And I can't say I have any complaints .....

One of the joys, and the biggest sorrow, of my chosen career, is the traveling. Lots of traveling. Of course, things would have been very different if the traveling was to exotic places. But that’s never to be.

 

One side-effect – I’ve spent more time at airports and hotels than I’d care to remember. It’s amazing how airports so symbolize a city. For example, Mumbai Airport is cramped, slightly faded at the edges, but still bustling with energy and very efficient.  Delhi Airport is clean, garish, but tending towards sloth. Kolkatta airport is spanking new, but look one level below and you see not what you expect. Chennai – neat, clean, efficient, understated and polite. And the list goes on.

 

One airport I’ve spent a lot of time, thanks to living there for 2 years, has been Goa’s Dabholim airport. Among the 50 or so domestic airports that I must have passed through, this is easily the most interesting, purely in terms of the variety of people on view.

 

BOMS : Bombs from Mumbai. Female, single, and very, very ready to mingle. Usually in groups of 3 or 4. All of them look like supermodels. Taking a weekend break in Goa. Fake accents, and lots of air kissing. Smokers. 22 inch waists and 34 inch bustlines. Each 5’8” or taller. Dressed in a uniform – tight jeans and halters. Sexy, very sexy.

 

PHODS : Punjabi Honeymooners from Delhi. The man struts about like he owns the place. Calls Papaji and Mummyji at ten minute intervals and shares news with them every step of the way. Abhi airport mein pahunchey ji. Abhi checkin kar liye ji. Haa, boarding card mil gayi ji. Nahin, extra baggage ka paisa dena nahin pada ji. The man talks in a voice that everybody in the airport can hear. He struts up and down. His simpering bride admires him. Occassionally, he sits down next to her and tries to steal a kiss. She turns away with a coy smile, and a ‘Chee, log kya kahnengey” pout. He still gets his way finally.

 

FAM : Film actor from Mumbai. They look familiar, but you cannot remember most of their names. You do recognize some of them -  Shahrukh, Shilpa Shetty, Diana Hayden, Anupam Kher, Prem Chopra, Karan Johar, Rishi Kapoor, Zeenat Aman, Bipasha Basu, Rani Mukerji, Satish Shah, etc. They maintain an extremely low profile at the airport, usually chatting quietly in a corner, and politely obliging every autograph hunter. Any stereotypes you may have had about the loud, garish, attention-seeking filmi type get thrown out of the window.

 

SCUM : Sophisticated couple from Mumbai. Early 50s. Aged gracefully. Supremely fit, both of them. The man looks like he owns a company or two. The lady looks like she runs an NGO or some kind of voluntary organisation. They are genteel, suave, and understated. Often, the lady leans across and murmurs to her husband that the service at the Leela this time was not upto the usual standard, and they must put in a word to Captain Nair when they meet him next.

 

SOMAW : Spaced out man and woman. European. Grungy. Dressed in pajamas and hawai slippers. Budget tourists. High on nirvana, low on personal hygiene.

 

FOPS : Family of Paapays. From Delhi. Man, wife and two spoilt kids. Male Paapay’s gold kadaa and gold chain catch the mid-day sun and glitter. His teeshirt  sags under the weight of his paunch. The two-day stubble – he always has a two-day stubble, never clean shaven, never bearded, always a two-day stubble – completes the look He openly and lustily eyes the BOMs. Female paapay is subdued and resigned. Long years with the male of her species have removed any spunk that she may ever have had.

 

MEOW : Male executive on official work. Regular trousers, and regular shirt. Laptop slung over shoulder. Looks completely and thoroughly out of place. Idly wonders whether there’s material for a blog post in the sights and sounds around him ….

I am an avid woman watcher. As I grow older, the more I watch. And a key ingredient of woman-watching has been the clothes they wear.

Broadly, and this is purely my personal belief, woman's clothes can be classified into three overlapping categories.
1. Beautiful - my fave - the sari
2. Attractive - smart, wellcut trousers, or a business suit in a dark colour
3. Sexy : short skirts, tight tee-shirts, off-the-shoulder evening gowns, low waist trousers or jeans with a little bit of 'ass-cleavage' showing

Of course, there are people / outfit combinations that transcend these, and all classifications.

Sushmita Sen in Main Hoon Na in a sari looked sexy first, attractive second, and etherally beautiful third.

I once saw a female airline pilot in uniform at Bangalore airport - till today, she remains the sexiest woman I have even seen.

And I do not think it was her looks or her figure or her uniform that did the trick. It was her air of supreme confidence. The same confidence that all pilots have while walking through an airport or the confidence that most doctors have while walking through a hospital. Or that a CEO has when he enters his / her office building.

And by the way, those who have seen Jesse Randhawa on a ramp would know what I mean. She is not sexy in the conventional Indian sense. Crudely put, this means that she does not have a big bust. But she walks the ramp like she owns it. Like it was made for her. Like the audience exists to admire her, to worship her. And her pout is to die for - Narasimha Rao would slay demons to get it.

Ergo, what makes a woman attractive, sexy and beautiful is NOT JUST her clothes, but her attitude, her confidence, her belief in herself as it shows through in her body language.

However, clothes play a role too. And without skirting the issue (and that wins the poor-pun-of-the-day award), let me get to my point.

I think the skirt is an extremely attractive garment. I love women in skirts. The first woman I had a crush on (my nursery school teacher, a very, very buxom bespectacled lady called Miss Paul) wore just skirts and I regret to add, tops, and I still remember how happy I felt when I peeped up her skirt for the first time. At four, I had no idea why I felt happy - I just did ! As I grew older, my fascination with skirts continued. I loved watching them all - minis, microminis, midi (a early 80s trend), billowy, wraparound, tights etc. Directionally, the shorter the skirt, the more I liked it. I never, ever thought I would find a long skirt smart, attractive, saucy and sexy.

But I do.

Over the past few months, more and more women have started wearing long skirts. Almost to the ankles. Somewhat like a sarong. Actually a cross between a sarong and a wraparound.

I think this garment is incredibly sexy. It complements a woman's body wonderfully. It makes fat women look thinner, and thin women look fuller. It gives a nice, rounded shape to the butt.

And I think something also happens to the women who wear it - they become more confident, more poised, more comfortable with themselves and their bodies. I asked a good friend (who was wearing a long skirt at the time) if this was true. She completely endorsed my views.

I wonder if there is an equivalent male garment that increases our sense of confidence and comfort. I tried thinking back - and I came right back to a humble pair of Levi's and a not-to-tight-not-too-loose teeshirt in a dark color. But that was then. One potbelly, and 25 kilos ago. I wonder if there is any such garment for me in my current life and body phase. I don't think so.

:-(

My share portfolio value has plunged by more than a Sonata, my weight problems continue, my energy levels are low, I have not taken a holiday for over a year now, our second car is acting up bigtime and needs to be replaced, I don't have the time to blog, my fave pair of Levi's finally gave way on Sunday after 9 years of faithful service, I haven't done a thing in the past 3 years that will merit mention in my obituary, and I have about 300 books on my shelf still to be read .

On the other hand.

My children still adore me, my job's treating me well, the flat in Gurgaon is shaping up real good, Bollywood now makes eminently watchable movies like Lakshya - Ek Hasina Thi - Ab Tak Chappan, I have about 300 books on my shelf still to be read.

Life's not so bad, after all.

Lots to do this weekend.

1. Buy a 29" Flat TV (any suggestions re make / price target ?)

2. Get an ayurvedic massage and 'shirodhara' - much recommended by Tireless Young Ranjan

3. Read Clinton's autobiography - at least half of it

4. Attend a nephew's marriage - you know you are gettin' old when your nephews start the process of losing their freedom and peace of mind

5. Get my tax papers in order

6. See Lakshya - again - and try to figure out why I loved it so very much when I saw it the first time around

7. Get the house back in order - wife and kids back from vacation on Wednesday

8. Visit a few new blogs - so far, my blog universe limited to Ranjan, Ritu, Wonderbug and Twilight Fairy - will start with other Delhi bloggers - need to broaden my outlook :-)

9. Go see a plot in Gurgaon - - and decide whether it is worth buying, and whether I have the patience, intelligence, and street-smart-ness to actually build a house - as opposed to just buying a readymade flat

10. Sleep

There's this columnist called Jugal something (cannot remember exact name but not relevant) who writes a feature in every Sunday's Delhi Times about Vaastu, the ancient Indian 'Science' of architecture. Overall, its a good read. Most of what he says is commensensical. Some of it is a little esoteric, and requires a little suspension of rationality. But you live and let live.

However, last Sunday's article got my goat. He essentially makes the point that we Indians are dirty - our streets, our homes, our demeanour - because we are Hindus. Read that again, because we are Hindus. His logic : sometime in the 6th Century, Hinduism went through a phase of spiritualism, and we became inward-looking. Material things ceased to matter to us. We searched for joy within. Therefore, our external environment ceased to matter. Cleanliness became a non-issue, because, please note, we were spiritually developed / developing

Ergo, the dirty Indian with his dirty, filthy streets 

To me, this is escapism at its worst. By that logic, followers of all other religions should be spick and span. With the exception of Christianity and Buddhism, I cannot think of one religion that is intrinsically associated with physical cleanliness.

Forgive me my generalisations, but here they are :

1. Neatness, and cleanliness is a mindset not defined by religion.

2. The poorer a person or a locality or a country, the more likely it is that the surroundings shall be dirty. And vice versa.

3. We Indians are selfish, fundamentally. We clean our houses, and throw the garbage over the backyard wall into the service lane behind our houses. We finish a can of Pepsi, and toss it away nonchalantly, dustbin or no dustbin. We dig up the lanes to put in telecom cables, and forget to put it back together exactly the way it was. We build buildings, and neglect to clear the rubble. We have municipal sweepers who have subcontracted their jobs out to illiterate migrants. We do not believe that whitewashing the exterior of our houses every two years is a good idea. We hate throwing away junk, thanks to our scarcity mindset, and our houses become cluttered and filthy. We toss paper wherever we want. The list goes on.

4. We lack a quality mindset. Somewhere, deep down, we believe that quality is a cost, not an investment. We believe that sending out a letter with 5 typos is acceptable vis-a-vis reviewing it and correcting the errors. We believe that leaving the house with an unwashed dirty car is acceptable. We believe that all these things stifles our creativity and financial resources, and are not worth the time and energy.

5. Cleanliness and quality do not cost money - they require time, and doing many little things well.

I wish, Mr Jugal and the TOI editorial people had focussed on what it takes to build a quality mindset, a commitment to excellence .... instead of focussing on the self-defeating excuse that we are dirty today because our ancestors turned spiritual 1400 years ago !